I want you to think about two words. These are two words that are searched on Google regularly. One word is “money.” The other word is “happy.” Which of these two words do you think is searched more on Google, money, or happy? Here are the numbers. Money comes out with 2.5 billion results. Happy comes out with 2.86 billion results. Why? More people are thinking about how to be happy than about money.
The question is, why are there so few happy people in the world? Why are there so many bitter people who are unable to enjoy themselves?
So today, I want to explain this in a way that makes sense to you, and I’ll promise you one thing. I will guarantee you I will say a word to you in this video about happiness that you probably don’t hear; maybe you’ve never heard it linked to happiness. We’ll cover that here with you.
When I think about myself, for many years, I was running and gunning, trying to figure out what to do. I wasn’t fulfilled and wondered why. I kept looking at other people and asking myself if I needed to become this or that person. So for the longest time I was trying to figure out a way to fit into society and to fit into the world. I was not happy until I figured this thing out.
The Most Important Quality for How to be Happy
I believe the most important quality to being happy is alignment. What do I mean by alignment? Alignment to me is when what you say and what you do align. When they're aligned, you're happy. When what you believe and how you act is aligned, you're happy.
Let me give you an explanation here what I mean by this.
I want you to look at this chart above, and you've got two different areas to look at. On the left, it shows you how many hours one works. So we have 20 hours, 40 hours, 60 hours, 80 hours, 100 hours a week. On the bottom it's goals. No goals, small goals, average goals, big goals. So this represents your wants, your desires, your goals. On your left represents your behavior, your action, your effort. Fair enough? You have goals and effort, and in the middle, where those two things intersect, is happiness.
Alignment represents happiness.
When the amount of effort you put in is aligns with the size of your goals, you're happy.
For instance, let's just say you have very big goals. Perhaps you want to have 10 million dollars in cash, and you want to drive a Ferrari, and you want to have a big, 15,000 square foot home, and you want to see the world. You want to have a lot of respect. You want people to know you. Influence is something you desire. So you have massive goals. But you're only willing to work 20 hours a week. If that's the case, you end up being a person that is clear with what you want, but you're lazy. A person that is clear, but lazy, won't be happy.
Now let me give you another one. Let's just say we have somebody who works two jobs. They're working 85 hours a week. But they have no goals in life. They're in a place of putting in a lot of effort, but being unclear. They're also not happy.
The key is to have your efforts and goals match up as much as possible.
Now take somebody that has average goals. For example, they want to make a quarter million dollar income. Or they want to be a good husband, a good father, a good mom, a good wife, a good entrepreneur, a good business person, a good executive - whatever it is.
A person that has average goals like that and is willing to work 60 hours a week, that person is very happy. Why? Because their effort is aligned with their goals. When effort and goals align, you have happiness. The same thing goes with fitness. This doesn't have to be just finances. Let's say you have big goals, such as having a six pack, but you also want to eat cheesecake; you won't be happy. You'll be bitter. This is true because what you say you want and what you do isn't aligned.
See, everything in life is about alignment. If you ever think about moments in your life that you really didn't like yourself, or you had internal conflict, it's because you were not living an aligned life. Whether it's business, marriage, relationship, finance, health -- it doesn't matter. The more aligned you are, the better you do, in every aspect of your business.
So now what does this mean if we want to go even deeper? What about when mentoring someone? Here's what I look at to know whether or not someone is fixable.
If someone is on the side of small goals, it's very difficult to get them from the category of being clear about what they want, but lazy, to being willing to make the effort. Why? Because they're not willing to work hard. I can't do anything about their work ethic.
But I can very easily get somebody who is not clear on what they want but is putting in the effort to set big goals. I just ask them questions to see what they want. Then they're happy because their effort and goals are aligned. All they need is somebody to give them direction on what they really want out of life.
Many times it's simply somebody who's willing to sit down with them kneecap to kneecap and have a conversation with them and ask them questions, to find out what ticks. Eventually when you figure out what ticks, boom! Then it's just a matter of time and effort.
Maybe this is you. Maybe you have average goals, and you're working 60 hours a week. If you want to speed it up, and you have average goals, work 80 hours a week, and it will come faster.
You Don't Have to Be the President
Now let me tell you one story that may help to illustrate this much better. The other night I was putting my oldest son, Tico, to sleep. I had just come back from Harvard, and when I was in Boston, we visited the JFK Presidential Library. It's a really nice place.
We went into a shop there, and I was like a kid in a candy store. $1300 later, I left with a lot of nonsense stuff that inspired me. I bought three shirts, one for my four-month-old daughter, one for my three-year-old son, one for my oldest son. They all said, "Future President." I was excited to get these three shirts.
I also bought Tico and Dylan a book about the presidents, and what they were like when they were kids. So Tico said, "Daddy, can you read me this book tonight?" I said, "No problem." We went upstairs, and he was lying in bed, and we started reading the book. We read the entire book. He was laying right next to me, and after reading the book, I whispered to him our daily affirmation: "I, Patrick Gabriel Bet-David will one day be a great leader." High five. Every day, I do this with both of my sons.
After we did the affirmation I said, "Hey Tico, I just want you to know, if you ever want to become a president, guess what? You can, if you choose, to become a president. Just make sure you make your money first, so later on when you run, you're not controlled by people that are putting money into your campaign. You're free. You choose the way you want to lead people."
He laid there for 30 seconds, not saying anything.
I thought he was either asleep or since he's a thinker, maybe he was thinking. Thirty seconds later, he said, "Dad?" I said, "Yes." "Dad, I don't want to be a president. Can I just be a kid right now?" This is a four-year-old kid! You know what he's really saying? "Don't put this kind of pressure on me! I don't want to be a president right now. I just want to be a kid!" And I sat there and said, "Absolutely you can be a kid. Look at your daddy. Your daddy's not a president, and he's doing okay. But if you ever want to, you can. I'm just telling you I believe in you." He said, "Okay, Daddy. Can I be a kid right now?" I said, "Yes. Do you want to wrestle?" We turned on the lights, and we wrestled for five minutes together and then he went to sleep.
The Moral of the Story
Here's the moral of the story. For many years as a mentor, I tried to force people into a box, until I realized they didn't want to be in the box. The fastest way to create an enemy is to do what? It's to force somebody to do something they don't want to do.
So this is what I do when I look at people that I'm mentoring now. I simply ask them what their goals and desires are. Then I ask them how much effort they're willing to invest. If their effort is at 80 hours a week, and they have big goals, I want to personally work with the person because their desire is high and they're willing to put in the effort. I'll come and mentor that person. That formula has worked for me because now I choose who I want to work with, who has the high desires, the wants, the goals, and is willing to put in the effort.
How to Be Happy
If you're reading this and wondering, "Pat, are you really telling me that happiness is alignment?" Yes, happiness is alignment.
Do you want to test it out for yourself?
Think of it this way. Have you ever driven a car, and taken your hands off the wheel? All of a sudden, the car starts doing what? Going to the left. What do you need to do? You need an alignment test. Now why do you need an alignment test? Because if you don't get an alignment test, and you don't put your hands on the steering wheel, what's going to happen to the car? You're going to crash the car.
So one, you need to go to the shop, and have somebody align your tires, so the next time you take your hands off the wheel to see if the car's aligned, it goes straight. When there's alignment, it's easier, saves you miles per gallon, and your tires will last longer. There're many benefits for the car if they're aligned.
The same with life. The more your goals and effort align, the happier you are. And by the way, the closer you get to your dreams and goals, the more you're going to be able to maximize your life, your dreams, what you want to do.
Your Alignment Test
Here's your alignment test. Write down your goals. Take a sheet of paper, and put a vertical line on the left, and a horizontal line on the bottom, as pictured above. You have wants, desires, and goals on one side and action on the other. On the action side are behavior, actions, and effort. Separate them.
Then answer this question. If your goal is to lose 20 pounds, how aligned is your action and behavior to the goal? Rate it from zero to ten. If it's a three, does it cause you bitterness, or are you happy about your health? The reason you're not happy about your health is because you're not aligned. It's the same with your business. It's the same with your relationships, and with whatever you do.
This test is accurate 100% of the time. It's worked for me. Any time I've caught myself being a little bit frustrated or bitter or annoyed, or I feel like things are unfair, and I'm moving away from a positive attitude, I have to get back to my alignment test. I ask myself what I'm unhappy about. It's not the world. You control alignment. Look at what you need to do to bring things back into alignment and do it. You'll be happy and at peace when your goals are aligned with your actions.
If you have any questions about alignment, post your questions and comments on the bottom. And if you haven't already subscribed to my YouTube channel, click on the button below to subscribe.