What Causes People to Change?

One of the scariest words in the dictionary for most people is the word change. But here’s the thing with change, change is absolutely inevitable. There’s nothing you and I can do about it. It is coming. You’re changing. I’m changing. But there are certain people that end up choosing to change, so what causes us to change? So today in this episode, I’m going to give you science behind changing for you to look at it and say, “Well maybe I want to change my life as well. How do I go about doing this?” So let’s get right into it.

First of all, four things cause people to change, you and I.

#1. Intentional Reasons

 You choose to change. It is intentional. I choose to lose weight. I choose to get married. I choose to stop my single habits. I choose to smoke- stop smoking pot. I choose to uh, do certain things. I’m choosing to change.

Number two is natural evolution. The 40 year old version of you is gonna be a lot different than the 30 year old version of you, than the 20 year old version of you, than the 10 year old version of you, than the 80 year old version of you.

#2. Natural Reasons

That’s evolution. You’re gonna evolve. Things are gonna happen. Life’s gonna happen and you are naturally going to change. None of us are going to be the same as we are today 10 years from now. It’s either gonna be positive or negative, but there’s gonna be some sort of change.

#3. Life Changing Events.

Life changing event, sometimes it’s accidental. What is accidental? For instance, I went to this party and … this birthday party I went to and I was standing on the side and I was listening to music and all of a sudden I look to my right, I see this girl standing next to me. I could not believe her eyes and then she looked at me and she gave me that smile that I’ll never forget and then I smiled back and then I asked her for her name.

Then she gave me her name. I told her if she’s there with somebody. She said no, we started talking. I said, “Do you want to leave?” We left. We went to a restaurant. We talked til two o’clock in the morning. I dropped her off. 18 months later we got married. You know, now we’ve been married for 22 years and we have three kids together. That is a life changing event and it was accidental. It wasn’t something that was planned. Right? Life changing event could be, you know, on the intentional side. I decided to go to this conference. This conference completely changed my life because I wanted to change my life. Here’s another life changing event. I just had a baby, it was intentional. Me and my wife chose to have a baby. Me and my husband chose to have a baby. We have a baby. I’m a father. I’ve never cried like this. Once I hold the baby I realize this is my blood.

Or, I had a baby, but it’s accidental. You know, hey, I wasn’t expecting to get uh, pregnant and have a baby man. I can’t believe I’m having a baby at 19 years old, at 18 years old, but it changed my life. Accidental, intentional. Intentional life changing event could be kids, marriage, uh, spiritual, bit- it could be a lot of different things. Then force … And by the way, life changing event could also be uh, uh, it, it could be a death in the family. It could be a loss of a loved one. Death in a family changes people. When your parents, spouse, kids, siblings, somebody, a friend. We just had one right now, was in Miami. Life … This is … Things happen and it changes you.

#4. Force

What’s force? You’re raising a family and then mom and dad get into an accident. There’s no more mom and dad. You are forced to change, right? You’re living in a country, all of the sudden there’s war. You’re under attack. You don’t have a choice. You are forced to change. You were living in a family, mark your tanks, your dad was doing mortgages. You guys go from living in a million dollar home, you lose every single thing, you’re now living in a one bedroom apartment complex. Mom and dad go through a divorce, you’re 14 years old. You’re forced to change. You are forced to change. So change is coming. To you, to me, to everybody. It’s inevitable. We can choose. Some of it’s gonna be forced. Some of it’s gonna be life changing.

Why do some people end up changing? 

#1. You’re Bored.

You may be bored with your life, bored with your girlfriend, bored with your boyfriend, bored with your job, bored with whatever you’re doing. Like, I am so flipping bored with my life that I want to all change. Great. That could be a reason for somebody who changes.

#2. You’re Inspired.

I read this book, I’m inspired. I watched this movie, I’m inspired. I read this story, I’m inspired. I heard this guy speak, I’m inspired. I had this one conversation with this person, I’m inspired. I had a dream the other day, I’m inspired. Let me tell- I’m gonna go do something spec- significant with my life. I saw what happened with my mom last week, I’m inspired. You get inspired.

#3. You’re Frustrated.

You’re absolutely frustrated with something that happened in your life. You’re frustrated with your financial situation, relationship, your career, your job, your health, your body, your weight. It could be so many different thing, but frustration causes you to change. You’ve heard of pain and pleasure before by  but I’m giving it to you in a complete different way right now now. I’m talking boredom, inspiration, frustration.

So now having said that, the part about change that most people … Cause change is happening no matter what. It’s either positive or negative. There’s nothing you can do about that part. You are going to change. I am going to change. Everybody changes. Think about in high school, I want you to think about a person who was very happy to be around. 15 years later you see them, the person is the most negative person to be around. They changed, but that was negative. Go back to high school, think about the person that was nobody, negative, there just wasn’t anybody that anybody talked about. 15 years later now you just … I’m like, what happened to this guy? Positive change.

The key with positive- The key with change you gotta realize, it’s, it’s two ways people see it. One is an inside job. Two is an outside job. Outside is red. You don’t control outside, so people who, you know, say, “Oh, you know I can … I wish my … If I had a different mom and dad with money, life would have been different. If I would have married somebody else, man if I had a different … if I’m with a … If lived in a different … If I only, if I if. If I …” So it’s always like … It’s always outside, outside, outside, outside, so it’s not always internal. This you control. This you don’t control. The more you put in here, the more you’re trying to say I don’t have control. The more you put in here, the more you’re saying you have control.

Inside jo- job, you can do something about it. People, you can do something about it. Your friends. You can change your friends. Family, you can choose who you’re hanging out with in your family. Uh, feeding your mind, you can choose the TV shows you’re watching, the movies you’re watching, the music you’re listening to.

Wow. So music, books you listen to, right? That- that can … What are you feeding your mind? This you can choose to control and it is an inside job. And I’ve learned, people that generally change positively, there’s two things they have in common. They’re willing to change, and they choose to change. If these two are not in place, a person is forced to change by one of these. Not by this. So if it’s intentional and you’re willing and you choose to change, you can change your life into whatever you want to change your life to. You can’t sit there and say, “You know what? It’s never gonna happen to me.” Then you’re right. “It is gonna happen to me.” You’re also right. So if you want to change, you can definitely find ways to change yourself and your life and the people that do, this is the process they go through to change themselves.


Patrick Bet-David
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